smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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