He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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