and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
