best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
