I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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