I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
