I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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