I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
