no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
