fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
