Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
