I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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