So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I got inside last night via doggy door
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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