I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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