His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
