you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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