There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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