Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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