If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
