strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
