i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
