OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
