After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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