theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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