I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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