she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
