Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
