Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
