i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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