Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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