is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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