How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
