Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
