3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
