You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
