I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
