With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
