I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
