I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
