So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
