i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have feelings that need drinking.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
