Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
