Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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