Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
