What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
