I hope mine doesn't look like that
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
