During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
