U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
