her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
