The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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