Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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