I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Please don't give away my fajitas
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