M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
