dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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