I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
