you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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