good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
